Authorities: Burglar wakes men with spice rub 
FRESNO, Calif. (AP) - Authorities say they've arrested a man who broke into the home of two California farmworkers, stole money, rubbed one with spices and whacked the other with a sausage before fleeing. Fresno County sheriff's Lt. Ian Burrimond says 22-year-old Antonio Vasquez was found hiding...

Fish flies out of lake, breaks Arkansas teen's jaw 
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. (AP) - It's a fishing tale that packs a wallop so strong it broke the jaw of a southeastern Arkansas teen and covered him in fish blood and guts. Seth Russell, 15, of Crossett, was cruising Lake Chicot on a large inner tube towed by a boat when a Silver Asian carp leaped from the...

The sumo wrestling world discovers some brains on drugs!
A drug scandal is rocking the world of sumo wrestling.  Two popular sumo wrestlers from Russia have been slapped with lifetime bans from Japan's ancient national sport for allegedly using marijuana. And the head of the Japan Sumo Association has resigned.  The wrestlers, who are brothers, tested positive for the drug when the sport conducted its first drug tests following the arrest last month of another Russian wrestler for marijuana possession.   The two who were kicked out insist they're clean.  Sumo has its roots in religious ritual and tends to hold its athletes and officials to high moral standards. Marijuana possession is considered a serious offense in Japan, and the scandal has been front-page news.

BIBLE QUIZ...

QUESTION: What three young men had a father who was 500 years old?
ANSWER: Ham, Shem and Japheth: the sons of Noah (And Noah was five hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem, Ham, and Japheth. - Genesis 5:32)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE...

QUESTION: What would you get if you asked for a "pottle" of ice cream at the supermarket? 
ANSWER: The term "pottle" is the legal measurement describing an amount equal to two quarts. Legally, there is no such term as "half-gallon."  So if you asked for a pottle of ice cream at the supermarket, you'd probably get a dumb look from the stock clerk.

TRUE OR FALSE...
Pay attention! If our next player doesn't answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start from all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Israel is one fourth the size of the state of Missouri. (True)

2. The slang word "geek" originates from the 1970s. (False = it derives back as far as 1611, referring to the scorn of others' villainy.)

3. The slang word "cool" derives back as far as 1825. (True)

4. In 1979, President Carter apologized to Austria for pieces of Skylab falling on their country. (False = he had to apologize to Australia)

5. The human small intestine is approximately 11 feet long. (False = it's closer to 21 feet long!)

6. Only 15% of people past age 18 get converted to Christianity. (True)

7. The typewriter was patented in 1768. (False = it was June 23, 1868 that the typewriter is patented.)

8. The first commercial product to use transistors was the radio. (False = it was a hearing aid in 1952. The radio used transistors two years later.)

9. One US gallon of pure water is about 8 pounds. (True = 8.345 pounds)

10. One inch of rainfall over one acre of ground would equal 2,178 gallons of water. (False = it's actually closer to 27,143 gallons of water.)

MEMORY CHECK...
Were you listening closely yesterday? We hope so - otherwise you won't know the answer to Memory Check!

QUESTION: How old is McGruff, the crime-figher dog?
ANSWER: McGruff, the crime-fighter dog is 28 as of yesterday.

A motorcyclist in England pleaded guilty to driving dangerously after he was clocked by radar doing 157 miles-per-hour. The man was on a Kawasaki 1200cc motorcycle and that speed is believed to be the fastest ever clocked on British radar. ***MARLAR: He was then rushed to the hospital for severe bug-blows to the head.

Scientists discovered the male Y chromosome repairs itself.  ***MARLAR: And as a male gene, it was repaired using duct tape.

Ray Erickson of Santa Cruz, California, won a lawsuit against American Airlines alleging that one of the company's planes released two chunks of toilet waste, better know as "blue ice," which crashed through the skylight of his boat. Erickson tracked down the plane -- American Airlines Flight 1950 -- sued in small claims court and was awarded $3,236. ***MARLAR: He plans on using the money for a psychiatrist to help him get over his fear of blue toilet water.

TOP TEN COMPLAINTS FROM BIBLICAL WIVES

10. Eve to Adam: You never take me anywhere different to eat!

9. Sarah to Abraham: Maybe if you stopped treating me like your sister, we could start a family! (Gen. 12:19)

8. Elizabeth to John the Baptist: I cook you a nice meal and all you want is locust, locust, locust!

7. Pharaoh's Daughter to Moses: Stop parting the bath water, Moses, and wash behind those ears!

6. David's mom to Jesse, her husband: Do you really think it was a good idea to get David that sling? He's going to put someone's eye out with that thing!

5. Manoah's wife to her son Samson: Can't you clean the sink after you shampoo? I'm sick of all these long hairs!

4. Elizabeth to Mary: I love talking to you, Mary, really I do, but can you speak a little softer? This kid just won't stop doing the rhumba in my tummy! (Luke 1:44)

3. Mary to Joseph: I TOLD you to make reservations!

2. Herodias to her daughter: I told Herod that if he didn't do something about this John nut, I would make sure the problem came to a head!

1. Pilate's wife to Pilate after the resurrection: You never listen to me, do you? How do you feel now Mr. Wash-Your-Hands-In-Public? (Matt. 27:19)

A bride's restraining order get her own groom arrested during the wedding ceremony!

FILE #1: In Meadville, Pa., a man was hauled off to jail in the middle of his wedding ceremony when police realized that a recent restraining order, petitioned for by his bride, was still in effect.

FILE #2: Two Florida men were recently arrested for robbing a jewelry store. When questioned as to why they robbed the place, the men said they needed the money to pay college tuition. Not just any college either - they were looking to get the $2,500 needed to pay tuition at Palm Beach Community College POLICE ACADEMY! They then said they thought it would be "educational" to see how real police handle a robbery – up close and personal!

FILE #3: An unsuspecting mom was assaulted by a kooky criminal who passed up her purse and instead grabbed a bag full of dirt diapers. The woman was changing her baby's diaper when she felt someone pulling at the bag near her leg. Cops said the guy was last seen running from the parking lot with the diapers and other baby items.

STRANGE LAW: In Wisconsin it is illegal to kiss on a train.

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.

"President George Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else."The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And Bubba disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But, by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, 'Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?'"

WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO BE A PILOT

When I grow up I want to be a pilot because it's a fun job and easy to do. That's why there are so many pilots flying around these days.

Pilots don't need much school. They just have to learn to read numbers so they can read their instruments. I guess they should be able to read a road map, too.

Pilots should be brave to they won't get scared if it's foggy and they can't see, or if a wing or motor falls off.

Pilots have to have good eyes to see through the clouds, and they can't be afraid of thunder or lightning because they are much closer to them than we are.

The salary pilots make is another thing I like. They make more money than they know what to do with. This is because most people think that flying a plane is dangerous, except pilots don't because they know how easy it is.

I hope I don't get airsick because I get carsick and if I get airsick, I couldn't be a pilot and then I would have to go to work.

. . . from the eyes of a child.

HOLY EMBARRASSMENT!
It can be tough sometimes to sit still in church. One teenaged boy learned just how tough during a prayer meeting.
The boy apparently was fidgeting with the back of a pew in front of him --when his finger got stuck in a pencil hole. Really stuck. He tried everything he could think of to get free. He pulled and tugged. He tried again and again. He probably even prayed - after all, he was at a prayer meeting. But he was careful not to interrupt the service. He didn't say a word about his little problem to anyone for 45 minutes. In fact, he waited until the service was completely over before saying anything. After that, the church-goers tried lubricating the teen's finger with cooking oil from the church kitchen, but that didn't work. The finger was really stuck. At 8:30 p.m. firefighters were finally called to help. After trying everything they could think of, firefighters used a small handsaw to cut out a tiny section of the pew. "No harm," said the pastor. "A little damage to the pew maybe, but no real harm."

WISDOM
Many years ago, a wise old king called his wise men together and gave them a commission. "I want you to compile for me the wisdom of the ages. Put it in book form so we might leave it to posterity."

The wise men left the king and worked for a long period of time. They finally returned with twelve volumes and proudly proclaimed that this truly was "the wisdom of the ages."

The king looked at the twelve volumes and said, "Gentlemen, I'm certain this is the wisdom of the ages and that it contains the knowledge we should leave to mankind. However, it is too long and I fear that people will not read it. Condense it!"

Again the wise men worked long and hard before they returned with only one volume. The king, However, knew that it was still too lengthy so he commanded them to further condense their work. The wise men reduced the volume to a chapter, then to a page, then to a paragraph, and finally to a sentence. When they wise old king saw the sentence he was absolutely elated.

"Gentlemen," he said, "This is truly the wisdom of the ages, and as soon as all men everywhere learn this truth, then most of our problems will be solved." The sentence simply said, "There ain't no free lunch."

- Zig Ziglar

In 2001, See You At The Pole took place just a week after the 9/11 attack.

On the third Wednesday of each September, millions of students meet at their school’s flagpole to pray. They pray for their school, their families, their friends, and their country.  In 2001, just days after the 9/11 terrorist attack on the United States, See You at the Pole took place with the theme, “Desperate for God.”  And after the attacks, many people were.

But how often are we desperate for God?  If He is really the “air we breathe,” (to paraphrase a Michael W. Smith song) we must live every moment of our lives by Jesus’ words in John 15:5, “Apart from Me you can do nothing.”
Somehow, though, we try to struggle through our lives by ourselves… until a tragedy hits… or we are overwhelmed by depression… or we experience heartbreak.  Now, suddenly, we’re desperate.

God responds to our cries of desperation, but does He want to be the last resort for the children He loves? The One we turn to only after all other avenues have led to dead-ends?

When David was in the desert, he wrote these words: “O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for You, my body longs for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”  He had a constant need for God. He worshiped Him to satisfy his heart’s deepest longings. He desperately longed to know God intimately. 
Our cry of desperation may finally come from a sense of our inadequacy. It may awaken in a broken heart that realizes the need for Someone greater, and we will cry out as David did for “more” of God.

Track the election day-by-day = http://www.electoral-vote.com/index.html

Morph celebrity faces = http://www.morphthing.com

Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide NOW! = http://www.math.psu.edu/tseng/H2Ojoke.html

CYBER SNOOP: The Case of the Cardiac Cough
Can coughing during a heart attack save your life?  That’s the subject of an e-mail circulating the internet, often aimed at women.  The e-mail claims that if you cough deeply and rhythmically during a heart attack, it will increase your chances of surviving it.
Unfortunately…according to our sources, www.snopes.com and www.truthorfiction.com, you could end up doing more harm than good if you follow the e-mail’s advice.  It could even cause death in certain instances.
Cough CPR, as it’s called, is actually not new, our sources tell us.  It has actually help avert heart attacks in isolated cases.  But in order to attempt Cough CPR, you would have to know exactly what kind of cardiac event you were having, and exactly when and how to do the coughing.  If you did it wrong, you could actually make matters worse…and it could even result in death.
According to snopes.com, “Forget about coughing — key to surviving a heart attack is obtaining proper medical assistance within a very limited window of opportunity.”
If you’re alone and you think you’re having a heart attack, the best thing to do would be to call for help, then sit quietly until help arrives.  Some doctors also advise chewing an aspirin if you have one on hand.
Clearing up another Internet rumor, I’m Cindy Swanson, CyberSnoop, with this reminder:  “Check it out BEFORE you hit that forward button!”

JUST BECAUSE!

Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, doesn't mean you shine any less.

Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped, doesn't stop you from being the best.

Just because no one has come along to share your life, doesn't mean that day isn't coming.

Just because no one has made this race worth while, doesn't give you permission to stop running.

Just because no one has realized how much of a woman you are, doesn't mean they can affect your femininity.

Just because no one has come to take the loneliness away, doesn't mean you have to settle for a lower quality.

Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.

Just because you deserve the very best there is, doesn't mean that life is always fair.

Just because God is still preparing your king, doesn't mean that you're not already a queen.

Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now, doesn't mean you need to change a thing.

Hey, have a great day -- and be sure to watch out for all those normal people on the streets. --HaLife